Father – February 1911
“There is but little I recall of him – how I feared his visits, though he would bring gifts: apples, candy, a toothbrush, and powder. In exchange, I must present fingernails and ears, and open my mouth to show the teeth. Then I’d recite my lessons, my voice low. I would stumble over a simple word, say lay for lie, and he would stop me there. How I wanted him to like me, think me smart, a delicate colored girl – not the wild pickaninny roaming the fields, barefoot. I search now for his face among the men I pass in the streets, fear the day a man enters my room both customer and father.”
I found this poem particularly sad in how it describes Ophelias’ first memories of her father. All she has known her whole life is proving herself to the men around her. Proving that she is worthy of whatever they expect from her. Yet she still craves validation from the same men she fears. I feel like that really resonates with the world today. Many women struggle with craving the validation of those around them but that same validation comes from a place of fear. Ophelias’ father also brings her gifts every time he sees her, I’m assuming he does so to gain her trust and break down that awkwardness that exists ahead. This behavior can also be seen today. Men attempt to distract people with gifts and charm in order to gain the trust of those around them, generally with an ulterior motive. I just found it strangely similar to today’s society and the female view on men and how they act regardless of whether their our relatives or not.
I like how you related this poem to today’s society; it wasn’t something I considered when I read it. Women often have to make great efforts to earn the love and affection of men in their lives, even if the man in question is their own father. Ophelia’s father’s love seems to be conditional. If she were not able to prove herself to him, I’m curious if his gifts of apples and candy would have come less frequently.
Although it is less common today than it was during Ophelia’s time, there are still fathers who don’t love their daughters the way they should. They love women for the services they provide them, not for who they are. Daughters can only do so much for them, especially when they are young. A son can grow up to continue the bloodline and carry on the family name, but a daughter cannot serve that purpose. They have to find other ways to earn their love, like by looking nice and knowing “lay” from “lie”.
It is so interesting to see Ophelia’s relationship with her father. It breaks my heart that this poor woman has such a negative feeling towards her childhood.